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Jackie's Journal

Thursday, May 22, 2008

11:48PM - Grey's Anatomy

I of course DVRd the season finale.  I thought that zipping through the commercials would make watching this episode any easier.  I must say after the disappointment of last season this show has made a comeback.  Tonight's episode was fantastic.  As I sit in front of my computer balling my eyes out at almost midnight I just realized how complex and emotional this show is. I am too drained.

Current mood: drained

Saturday, November 17, 2007

11:40PM - Happy Turkey Day :)

all the drama aside...family time is over-rated.

Current mood: crappy

Thursday, November 8, 2007

10:52PM - The Madness Needs To STOP--Grey's Anatomy

Okay so I just watched Grey's Anatomy...Izzie and George are just NOT a couple.  I could see the storyline coming a mile away but it still grosses me out. The lack of good sex should make it pretty clear that they just suck and apparently not well.  Doctor Hahn is my hero because she is the only one that does not pity Christina and Dr. Bailey just makes this show great.  It's about time that she get the recognition she deserves.  I am not sure about the Alex and Lexi storyline but it kind of makes sense since Alex had a drunk for a father that he would try to protect Lexi now that her dad is a drunk.  I almost gave three cheers when Meredith finally got over her crap and stayed with Mc Dreamy.  If I have ruined things for you...I am sorry.  This episode was so much better than last week and totally made my day since my personal and professional life is not that great right now.  But, I won't bore you with the details.

Current mood: amused

Sunday, September 9, 2007

11:33PM - Re: Britney and the Emergence of LuLu

Okay so now I officially feel bad for Britney.  I love the song and the other new one that sounds like Janet is awesome but tonight it looked like she got stage fright.  Then that Silverman chic who is not funny made so much fun of Britney that it was painful.  

Last post, I wrote about Mimi the waterbug and once I took care of her, the incredibly fast cousin came for a visit.  Well, I just sent her home in a garbage bag!  I have a disgusting neighbor who attracts bugs because they are dirty.  I have to complain to management because I am not going to keep cleaning up for them.  Hopefully, they will move sooner than later. 

Current mood: aggravated

Monday, September 3, 2007

11:03PM - The Adventures of Mimi the Waterbug

I am up at 11 pm instead of sleeping.  Why?  It is because I have been accosted by none other than a huge waterbug.  I have a fairly low bed at the moment (waiting for the rest of my furniture--but that is another story)  and so I am freaked out about going to sleep when I have seen this waterbug that I have lovingly named MImi out and about.  This may seem strange but the thought of anything crawling on me is enough to make this a potentially sleepless night.  So while I have waited 9 weeks to post anything new and this post may seem ridiculous to some, I find that I cannot concentrate on anything other than Mimi.


On another note, I have a ton of work to do for tomorrow and I don't see any of it getting done. grrr...I blame it all on Mimi! 

Current mood: aggravated

Thursday, June 28, 2007

10:18AM - Deadlines...

Why o why do I procrastinate?  I have a major deadline due tomorrow and I cannot concentrate.  This is not cool.  Technically I have until Saturday but I wanted to have it done tomorrow.  Ugh! It's going to be a long day.  I apologize in advance if I do not return phone calls right away.  This deadline is super important and I can't mess up.  I guess there is no pressure. Okay, maybe just a little.

Current mood: anxious

Sunday, June 24, 2007

10:19AM - yummy...

My Ideal Sunday Morning:

1. Wake up and can't remember my dreams :)
2. Went to PostSecret.com
3. I get complete control of the remote
4. I am eating pancakes
5. Watching the Wedding Singer and then watching Clueless
6. Looking forward to the vanilla sundae I will eat for lunch

Isn't it a wonderful Sunday ;-)

Current mood: content

Wednesday, November 8, 2006


I hate being sick :(

Current mood: cranky

Saturday, September 30, 2006

5:53PM - I am online!!!!!

Let me tell you that I have sorely missed being online. I just got my internet back but I need to get ready for the dance. I never thought I would say that again but I am the chaperone so off I go to get ready!

Current mood: amused

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

7:48PM - HaHa...

Joining the trend....

J is for Juicy
A is for Athletic
C is for Captivating
Q is for Quintesential
U is for Unnatural
E is for Expressive
L is for Luscious
Y is for Yummy
N is for Neat

What Does Your Name Mean?

M--let me know whn you get the package!

Current mood: crazy

Thursday, July 27, 2006

11:09AM - Keeping it real...

I get so frustrated with so many things that I just can't talk about. Most people don't get it because I am fairly private with alot of things and I just can't express what I am feeling or thinking because it would just cause more problems. I have been getting these dreams that are crazy and I know that I will be experiencing a big change soon (Ally you understand what I mean). I always kind of jump in and go for it without thinking about it.But I guess reality is catching up with me. My friend for an insane number of years called me to let me know a friend's mother had passed away. He was very close to his mom and they had a bond that is similar to the one I share with my mom. People get on me about not calling or writing but they don't realize how close I came to losing my mother. It has been hard for me to show that kind of emotion and my sister used that at the time to ridicule me for being level headed enough to handle the hospital and calling the ambulance.

I can't finish this entry because my dad locked his keys in one of the cars...

So i just decided to continue with the entry here. I guess I have been frustrated that being dependable and reliable is seen as a bad thing in my family. When my mom got sick and I had to take her in most of my family was using it against me saying that I was acting too level headed to really love my mother. I had to move back in the house to help take care of her. I am an independent person and HATE living with my parents. They will be moving back to Miami soon so that will ease some of the pressure off me. I hate the pressure that they put on me to lose weight,start a family or getting married. But, how am I supposed to meet someone if I am still living with them?

F is asking me to move back to Beantown but even that would be hard for me. I have gotten picky and am extremely spoiled when it comes to living arrangements. Grace was telling me I should come back to NYC but I dunno. I feel like I am in limbo and according to my dreams I will be making a big change. I wish I knew what was in store for me. I start work on Monday and I hope that all will be well. A fellow teacher started discrimination allegations that have sent my school in turmoil. I obviously can't say what I really think because since this is public record it can be used if she goes to court and I don't want to testify either way. The only thing I know is that I won't lie.

Current mood: contemplative

Wednesday, July 19, 2006

8:29AM - A Welcome Distraction...

YAY!!!!! My best friend of close to 14 years is coming to visit this weekend. This could not have come at a better time since I have been slightly down. Everything is pretty hectic and I know that I could talk to her about it. When she comes to visit I get that dose of reality I need. I usually don't talk about things but she gets it out me. Now I have to make plans to go to Universal and the bars...fun times.

Current mood: cheerful

Friday, July 7, 2006

10:38PM - Damage Control

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind and now with new allegations of racial discrimination at my high school it adds even more pressure to the minority teachers that are working hard and getting it done. This is a matter of public record so I am not going to comment further.

I am always taking care of others it seems and earlier this week I just had enough. I did what I thought was best and went on strike! No more favors, phonecalls or rides to get where anyone needed to go. I find that the more demands are put on me the more complicated my feelings are. I am proud of myself for letting go of things and people that are in my past. Especially getting rid of my almost obssessive connection to beantown. At least Grace will be coming to see me in 2 weeks. It was so last minute but I am excited.

This update is to be continued...

Off to do more damage control.

Current mood: cranky

Monday, April 10, 2006

9:30PM - WAHOOOO!!!!!

I have been MIA because I was trying to graduate early...I am glad to report that I now have my MBA while working full time :) I am on cloud nine.

Current mood: ecstatic

Monday, February 20, 2006

8:53PM - Surviving an Intervention...

So I was talking to my two absolute best friends in the world and they staged an intervention. I was trying to explain what I was feeling and what I wanted. It was difficult because I kept referring to a specific relationship and was trying to avoid being hurt. Grace said it best when she said it was like watching two people stick their big toes in the water and finding the water was too cold or too hot and not wanting to stick our foot in. It was too risky and neither of us is ready to deal with the dynamics of being involved. They were blunt with me and were like asking me what was wrong. It turns out that it is not over a guy but has to do with me being all over the place. I try to not feel overwhelmed but I am unhappy. I know this has nothing to do with a guy, job or school. It has to do with me. They helped me see that I cannot live my life on assumptions. I need to be comfortable with me. Grace was right when she said that I follow through with other people but fail to do that with myself and that is an integrity issue that I need to deal with. I have stopped doing things because I don't want to deal with it and have effectively become what I feared--my mother. She suffers from severe clinical depression and I have always feared that I will end up like her. I needed to hear what they had to say but I need to look at this for myself.

I have gotten my list of top ten things that I need to work on. They are obtainable goals that I will work hard to achieve. Right now I have so many thoughts swimming through my head. I need to follow through on things for myself and I am sure that if I want to stick my foot in that I will take that dive without reservation in pure joy.

Current mood: contemplative

1:27PM - Post Vegas Reactions...

Okay so I flew back from Vegas yesterday and wanted to go back. It's not like I could live in sin city or something but I really miss the people from the trip. A part of me feels left behind and alone. It's not like I don't have anyone down here but it feels like my life won't ever work out the way I want it to. It's always the wrong time and my feelings are the ones that get hurt. I often feel as if I was meant to do different things or become someone else and that just has not happened. I had the worst time sleeping in vegas and had a total of a few hours sleep for the whole trip. I had the chance to see how my lifelong friends from two different groups interacted and I must say that it was a success. There were a few people missing but I know that things will eventually work themselves so that I may have the chance to see them again. I might have to take the plunge and visit a certain someone in seattle and hope for the best. The next line is a TMI so skip if you do not want to know. I had my period the whole time I was there. That may not seem important but it so is. I could not do everything I wanted because that places a certain limitation. I have several people who would tell me fuck it and that there are ways around that. But, you have to know me and my past to understand why that would have presented a challenge for me. I don't even want to think about it. As with any trip there is a certain amount of time that I need to spend on my own. I had that opportunity to learn more about myself and my expectations for the future. I would not say that there are not certain things that should stay in vegas but I hope that there will be some things that I can bring back and hold for my own.

Congrats to b125! You need to give me your address at some point.

That's about it for now. I don't want to dwell too much and instead want to plan my trip to boston for early next month.

Current mood: contemplative

Friday, February 10, 2006

8:17PM - FCAT Frenzy

I am now sitting in class and I am trying to pretend that I find Financial Accounting extremely interesting. That is difficult to do especially since I am sitting in the front row.

The count down Vegas is fast approaching. I am so excited but I have my student's progress in the back of my mind. I will be leaving and they will be struggling to prepare for state tests. I can't help but feel a little guilty. I am tired of hearing the whining that the school system is unfair and that we should not be putting so much pressure on the students or ask them to demonstrate the knowledge they have learned. I keep thinking about how difficult our state exams were (much harder than now) and how we just dealt with them. However, the students I have inherited cannot read and my heart goes out as a result of the various factors that have failed them. The parents are responsible for not placing an emphasis on their children's educational needs. The school system is responsible for passing legislation that requires teachers to socially promote the kids to keep their jobs. The teachers are responsible for socially promoting them and compromising their professional integrity so that they can look good. The students are responsible for expecting everything to be done for them and not taking the iniative to seek a positive educational experience. When I look into their faces and think to the future my whole body shudders at the depressing thought that someday they will need to take care of me and they might not be able to read the instructions to a complicated machine.

On a more positive note, I am taking salsa lessons and will hopefully get much better. I am so proud at the fact that I can now turn without a problem. I have met several friends and hope to improve my social life somewhat. My professor is glaring at me now and so I need to go. I will try to update tomorrow since I will be at work bright and early on a saturday morning.

Current mood: cranky

Friday, January 20, 2006

7:52PM - Isabella Rose Gordils

My niece was born this afternoon at 3:50. Isabella Rose Gordils weighed 7lbs 8oz and was 21 inches long.

Current mood: ecstatic

Monday, January 16, 2006

6:23PM - Fun Times

Your Stipper Song Is

Toxic by Britney Spears

"With the taste of your lips
I'm on a ride
You're toxic I'm slippin' under"

You may dance for someone - but only to weaken their defenses.
What Song Should You Strip To?

5:57PM - Sex, Lies and more updates....

Ok so I know I said that I would keep this updated and I have been failing miserably....Here is the quick update:

Sex: Disapointment abounds as things have been slow in that department. Let's see if I can manage enough interest to get off my fat, lazy ass and do something about it.

Lies: I am surrounded by all types of lies. My family is really crazy and dysfunctional. I don't think everyone is offically talking but I think we can all look forward to the next family reunion or not. My students are horrible and one of my buddies can't go to vegas and that is a real downer. I was hoping to see her but I can understand not being able to make it. Although I would not be upset if she managed to work out her situation. Though that part does not really qualify as a lie. Maybe I should admit that I am addicted to postsecret.com and should probably send in my own postcard. I can't help but feel that I am living a lie or that I am not concerned about my mother. She is okay now though.

Updates: I really have nothing major to report except that I am counting the days until I graduate with my MBA. This semester almost killed me but I digress. I am too tired to continue so I will hopefully catch everyone up later.

Current mood: tired

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